Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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