How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
