im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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