Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to sanitize my soul.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
