we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
