he thought i was a dude.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
