Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think my moral compass just broke
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