This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
