I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
