does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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