I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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