i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
