1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
