And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
