I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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