If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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