you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
