also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
