party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
