it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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