i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
