it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
