making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
