Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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