I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
