I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
