I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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