he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
