i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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