So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
