I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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