someone owes me an orgasm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
