I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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