She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
