I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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