I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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