When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
