idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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