Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
