I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
