I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
