I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
