I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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