A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
