i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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