dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
