Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
