shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We need to get me chipped asap
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
