why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i think my cat just said my name.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
