Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
