apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
