dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
