Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
