Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
