Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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