He had one of those small greek statue penises
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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